nothing. green tea.

?

Today:

cereal (220)

banana (90)

grape (70)

nuts (170)

Total: 550 calories

I'm proud of myself, first day of the week without a binge nor a throw up time.

Feeling weird, i'm single. I don't know how I feel actually?

Falling?

Yes.

Frida Gustavsson (who could believe that we have the same age?)

I vomit all the time. Tomorrow I have my one on one rendez-vous. I'm stressed.

Mia's got power

Today:
- 6 sushis maki (150 calories) + 6 hosomaki (90 calories) + Cookies (160 calories)  -> Vomitted
- 1 apple (90 calories)

I feel sort of bad, because I threw up at school...  I know, it's bad...

I had my first meeting with the group, it was nice, but I'm scared. I think it's to soon to judge how it will be.

Nadine Coyle amazing legs :)

Perfect Abbey Lee

I suck, you suck, food sucks...

Yesterday I avoid the binge, but unfortunately not tonight. Good job girl!
I cooked some muffins, and now I have to resist for not eating them all, considering the fact that I've already eaten 3. Damn. With so many other things. It sucks. Really, it does. And the fact is that I can't even purge, because I'm not alone at home, and that my parents are starting to be tired of me laving the house all the time, so I can't even go outside to throw up. Nice.

100th POST

I WANT TO BINGE AND PURGE !

Oh my god, I have some chills. Yep, this is how much I want to binge. It's giving me fucking chills and takes my breath away! damn. I'm sick. No, I'm not. I'm just weird. I'm gonna go on the scale to convince me not to binge, it's a nice trick. 

Everything is alright, except at night

bla bla bla bla, not too much into writing today.

Total: 1 yaourt (80 calories) + 11 baby carrots (35 calories) + 1/2 pita (215 calories) + 1 bowl of cereals (220 calories) + 1/3 apple (30 calories) + baby orange (30 calories) + various small portion of random food (100 calories) - 1,6 km of fast walk (-121 calories) = 589 calories


I just feel disgusting.

Too much pressure and I feel kind of homesick...

I received some nice grades today. It felt kind of good to have this pleasure again. The psychologist from the specialized house wrote me to know if I was available for some one on one meeting next week, in the morning. Problem is that my parents don't know anything about my eating disorders so they can't motivate me at school...Tomorrow I'm gonna ask my supervisor if it would be possible for them to motivate my missed classes without my parent's authorization...I hope so.

I'm in a very very busy week, and that make's it easier to avoid being at home and eating with family nor binging. The only thing is that I've got too many things too do and I don't know if I'll be able to pass through it.

Today= Oatmeal cookie (200 calories) + Apple (90 calories) + Small chicken salad (195 calories) + 2 coffee (4 calories) - 30 minutes of elliptical bike (-300 calories) - 20 minutes of training in a gym (unknown)= 185 calories

I suddenly love school

I haven't weight myself today. I'm sure that after the spring break that I had that it would be such a horror, that like a wise person, I've decided to wait after this week of studying and training.


Today= 200g of spaghetti (225 calories) - 30 minutes of elliptical bike(300 calories) - 30 minutes various training in a gym (unknown) = -75 calories


That's the only reason why I love school haha! Otherwise, I have so many things to do! And, I'm here instead of doing all of these great stuffs, like reading a book, writing one of my many essays, working on my personal project, learning my text for my friend's show or even doing my numbers in physic. Wow. Life is so great!

Tomorrow is the return of school. I can't wait to start again. No more binges, Hallelujah! 

I found my prom dress, and I actually love it ! 

Sorry I don't post a lot, but I've got too much on my mind.

hangover

I tried some prom dress. It was horrible. I don't want to go to the prom. My dad told me I was fat.

Yesterday I was way too drunk, and someone asked me some questions about my problem, and like an idiot, I told her everything. I should stop drinking. I should stop to eat. I should stop to live.

Hello, can I throw up?

No, I'm sorry Alice, but you're not on my list today. You're not enough important. You don't deserve me. You'll have to live with your stomach hurting and all of your fat. I'm not gonna let you purge today, not even with your fingers in your throat. Maybe you can try another day, I'll see what I can do. But for the moment you don't deserve any attention with your pitiful life.

xoxox

Mia

Hi, I'm fat.

I feel like...

COOKING ! 

Yep, I feel like cooking a big chocolate cake or chocolate chips cookies! Or even oatmeal cookie or brownies, or whatever! Miam! I got to change my mind!

Today

-2 crackers (25 calories)

-11 baby carrots (35 calories)

-1 double expresso

-Vegetable beef (200 calories)

-Salad (60 calories)

-4 little potatoes (80 calories)

Total: 400 calories

You've got to dream about tomorrow

I've eat all the things I wanted to eat for the last time. Like every time, I have a new resolution that I will fallow. Here are the new rules:

-No chocolate
-No candy
-No fast food
-As much gum and diet coke as I want
-Maximum 500 calories per day
-Minimum 90 calories per day
-At least 30 minutes of sport
-No more throwing up
-Food allowed:
      -Apple
      -Granola bar
      -All vegetables
      -Blueberries/Raspberries
      -Tofu
      -White egg
      -Protein (cooked without fat)
      -Cereals
      -Milk
      -Premium plus crakers
-And coffee, coffee, coffee!
-Stop thinking about smoking

Like a vegetable on a couch

sitting on my ass, doing ABSOLUTELY nothing, excepted eating and purging. ah, yes today i had enough strength to move my fat ass and I went jogging. umh? like if it's gonna change something to all the fat on my body, considering how much I eat.


And, the most beautiful thing is that the day is not even over! That's letting me a lot of time to eat and eat and eat, over and over! 


Damn. I want to go back to school, and restart my good food habits.

Magdalena Frackowiak - March 2010 #111

Oh my god...

Morning: - Cereals (220 calories) + Blueberries (70 calories) + Granola bar (150 calories)

Noon: - Homemade Egg McMuffin (300 calories) + hot chocolate (230 calories) ---> VOMITED

Evening: - Cereals (220 calories) + bowl of pasta (180 calories) + 3 little potatoes (110 calories)

Total: 950 calories

I'm sorry. Tomorrow is another day. Tomorrow I'm gonna be good.

Again, and again, again, and again again

I threw up again.
Third time.
But not everything came out.
I'm still mad at myself to have stopped before.
What Am I becoming?

For my week without school, I'll have to use all the strength that I have to avoid the binges, and eat sort of normally with three meals per day. Yesterday was a fail, but today is starting pretty well.

1 bowl of cheerios (220 calories) + blueberries (70 calories) + 1 granola bar (150 calories) + 35 minutes of Wifit (133 calories) = (440-133) = 307 calories (to be edited)

I called my doctor to have an appointment and it goes to April 27. I'm scared to see him because he's one of  my parent's friend...

I have a driving lesson tonight and I don't want to go. I hate driving with people, it's so stressful.

My scale told me that I was back at 132. I hope it's gonna change pretty soon...