The secret life of Alice in Wonderland

I think that i'm going to go reach some help...
I,m not sure yet...but I'm tired to have this love/hate relation with food.
I just can do this anymore. Not eating, then do a huge binge. My weight is a constant yoyo...
But in a certain way, I don't want to get out of this shit, I don't want to stay fat for my whole life...