God dropped the fat in the recipe of my conception...

I don't know who I am anymore... I would like so much to be thin, to look at myself and be pleased by what I see...I just think it's impossible...I'll never be able to lose all this fat...I can't...At the moment that I have  little bit of success I find a way to ruin everything... My goal is never going to be reach. This weekend it's valentine day, and my boyfriend prepared me a surprise dinner at his house...that mean I'll have to eat. Again. and again. with alcohol.

I'm scared. I'm in a relationship for about 1 year and a half, and I'm still scared of the moment when I have to take off my clothes. I know he loves my body, but I hate it so much that it's so hard to be able to let him touch me... i'm scared that he's gonna realize how fat I am, and break up... I'm stupid, and fat.

I love chocolate cake, sugar and all these stuffs. Yes I do. But I crave for the feeling of emptiness, the starvation and the power that you feel... My problem is that I equally love both, so I maintain my weight, by eating very badly, then not eating at all...

Life made me fat. But I'll win the battle, and I'll be thin.